Whoo.

Whoa, a little wine drunk-right now.

So, I'm back in Fortville again. Whoop-de-fucking-doo.

Once I get everything all settled in, I'm gonna get started back writing. Hopefully I'll have a workable draft of a script ready by May. Hopefully. I've said that before, but it never really worked out. This time, though, I have a better feeling. Whatever.

Blah blah blah, something interesting goes here.

Fuck it, here's a video.

Reporting THE RIGHT News

So, my most anticipated... well, almost ANYTHING this year is Grand Theft Auto IV, and here's a neat little widget from its website that really shows off the humor that makes this series my favorite.



And that's really all I got right now.

A Strange Week

So, it's been a strange week (this week).

First, to start things off, my salivary gland got blocked-up. I didn't know this could happen. That's just one of the many things no one bothered to tell me. Another thing no one bothered to tell me: IT FUCKING HURTS. A LOT. FUCK.

Basically, what happens is some shit gets built up in the duct leading from the offending salivary duct to your mouth. Then, when you eat something, the gland wants to jizz some saliva into your mouth, but it can't, so it swells up to enormous size. And that reall fucking hurts. So I had to go to the oral surgeon and get that all cleared up.

Then, that same day, my fucking apartment complex calls to tell me that they've got someone who is interested in taking my apartment off my hands. See, I can't really afford to stay where I am, so I asked these guys to put my name on a list of people to call in this situation. The reason this is so irritating is because they put me on the list around the first of the year, and the first couple of names they gave me completely flaked, leaving me fucked in the ass.

Well, apparently this guy is on the level, and he applied for a lease and was approved, so now I've got someone to take my place. That's good, because now I can save some of the money that I would otherwise spend on my $700 apartment. However, this also means that I have to move out by February 25th, which sucks. Balls. So there's that.

Then, two days later, as I'm still recovering from that fucking salivary gland thing, I'm just browsing the internet like I usually do (because I'm a sad, pathetic, and lonely creature), and all of a sudden I get these flashes--boom boom boom--of ideas coming at me really quick. And they're ideas about making movies. Now, there's nothing new about this for me; anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm always coming up with new ideas either for movies or how to get one made. This time, however, my ideas were about things that were right in front of me, but I'd never thought of. They came in this order:

1. For some reason, I remembered Troma Entertainment, creators of classic B-movie exploitation and schlock-horror films. What I didn't know is that it's also the longest lasting completely independent movie label. Anyway, I looked up their website, and the first thing I learned was that they regularly screen independent films and option the rights for distribution. Meaning, if I made my movie, I could send it to them, and if they liked it, they would distribute it to theaters and on DVD. Also on the site, I learned:

2. Lloyd Kaufman, the founder of Troma and a director himself ("The Toxic Avenger", "Sgt. Kabukiman, N.Y.P.D.") is currently accepting script submissions.

3. They sponsor an annual film festival called "Tromadance" which is held in Park City, Utah during the same weekend as Sundance, and it's completely free to submit films.

Then, thinking about films and filmmaking like this led to:

4. I remembered that my uncle is a CEO of a hospital. I'd always known that in order to finance my movie, I would have to find an investor, someone willing to put up some money up front in hopes that I will give him a return. However, I'd always thought I'd have to do some sort of door-to-door solicitation of some local businesses. For some reason, it had never occured to me to simply ask my uncle if any of the many many doctors and other wealthy people he knows through his profession would be interested in helping out. God, sometimes I'm so stupid.

5. Also, I had a great idea for a short film that came from an old short story I'd written a few years ago. It's about a student's visit to the school nurse's office that goes horribly awry.

6. Also also, I had a brilliant flash of a title for a script to submit to Troma. The film is going to be the first ever exploitation film set in a movie theater, and it will also feature the first ever superhero whose origin story takes place in a movie theater. It will be called (and I was very VERY proud of this): "CINEMANIAC AND THE ATTACK OF THE CRAZED NERD-ERER!" That's right, I made a pun on the word "murderer" using "nerd".

But wait, there's more. As I'm having all these awesome ideas come at me and I'm actually riding high and feeling good about filmmaking again for the first time in a while, I decided to call my mom, because I knew she had been sick and I wanted to see how she was doing. So I call her, and Jim (the asshole step-dad) answers. I ask if mom is sleeping, and he says no, she's in the hospital with pneumonia in both lungs. And that she's probably going to be in the hospital for the next few days.

So yeah.

So now I've got this weird thing going on with my emotions. On the one hand, I am extremely upset that my mom is so sick, and that I can't really go and visit her right now (not until Sat.). Then on the other hand, I'm extraordinarily psyched about all these new filmmaking possibilities, and I'm really starting to think there might be a career in that field for me after all. Then on my Shiva-third-hand, I'm nervous about moving again.

BLEARGH.

I need a cheerful video.

How about some innuendo in children's shows?

First, we have a short sketch from the cast of the British children's show "Rainbow". The cast created this to entertain the employees of the TV station they worked at. IT DID NOT AIR.



Next, a clip from an actual episode of "The Flintstones". THIS DID AIR.



And I guess that's it.

Stuff and Nonsense

So, I've been sick the last couple days, which has led to even more useless web-browsing than usual. I just downloaded a shit-load of Bill Nye episodes. Also, my second batch of Netflix free trial movies came in and I watched those. Included this time were "The Tripper", "They Live":



and "Evolver. I was especially looking forward to "Evolver", because it is one of those movies that I grew up with. Well, "mid-childhood" grew up with, I guess I was nine or something when it came out on video. Anyway, it features a young Ethan Embry (credited as Ethan Randall) as a mid-90s computer nerd who plays a virtual reality game called "Evolver", in which the enemy gets smarter and smarter each level. After manipulating the results of a contest, he wins a prototype of the real Evolver robot which, surprise surprise, was created using abandoned military technology and soon goes from playing games to actually killing people. It's great fun.

Anyway. Um. Yeah, that's it.

Welcome

Hey there, Alex here, welcome to the Strangely Offensive blog.

This is where I'll put random thoughts that don't really have a place elsewhere. I can't guarantee to be interesting every day, but I can guarantee that you've probably wasted more time elsewhere.

As a sort of introduction to what this blog will be like, I give you "El Mamut Chiquitito":



I don't even speak Spanish (at all, not even a little), and this cracks me the hell up. Wow.

So... that's all for right now.